We all have interactions that cause us to bristle, and often these patterns repeat in our lives. For me, these dynamics have always been hierarchy, not being seen or appreciated, and not having my feminine nature respected. When I look back on my life, it is clear that my aversion to these types of interactions matches the key issues that I've uncovered and worked to heal through.
There are several reasons why our relationships may reflect what is going on for us internally. First, when issues are emotionally charged, or they have a history and meaning, they attract our attention. And what we focus on often becomes what we perceive and experience. Second, when we see these interactions as something outside of us, we don't change our focus, and this sustained attention might be the reason the issues keep surfacing. Third, when we try to challenge or fix the dynamics, it can intensify our focus and reinforce the experience.
However, there is a way out. When we take time to appreciate our habitual interactions, we can get information about what we are focused on and ways we can heal. Our constricting dynamics can then become an opportunity to switch our focus and open up.
Here's how to engage in this process in regular life:
When you become embroiled in a habitual, constricting dynamic, consider staying present. Feel your feet on the ground, keep breathing, and sense the tension in your body.
Feel yourself relaxing and filling up.
If you are still focused on the conflict, remember a time when you felt especially loved or inspired.
Try looking at the other people in the dynamic from an outside perspective and with compassion.
Approach the experience with curiosity and lightness. Have fun moving away from your familiar response and trying something new.
When we don't engage in the constricting dynamics, they become less of a focus. Over time, they come around less often, and when they show up they are less intense. As we decrease our attachment to these patterns, new ways to perceive and experience our lives open up. This work also changes the experience of the other people engaged in the dynamic, and may offer an opportunity for them to also move forward in a different way.
💜≈ For more information to enhance your relationships, consider checking out my book, Healing with Awareness.
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